


feels (don't be afraid).

by 1roomdisco



Series: BE MY CONVERSATION. [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Study, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, M/M, i had fun exploring winwin here lol, ten and yuta are the duo we all needed, winwin has multinational hyungs lmao but only one gege in his heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-04 20:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12175746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1roomdisco/pseuds/1roomdisco
Summary: she has long, black hair that falls like any girl from shampoo commercial. she wears pastel colored outfit that fits her slim frame just right, and she paints her thin lips red. she doesn’t cling to kun’s arms but she laughs too much at every little thing he says. she is pretty, in a way sicheng will never be, and sicheng pauses, questions why that fact matters the most.





	feels (don't be afraid).

**Author's Note:**

> \- a sequel to [peach.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10451211)
> 
> \- i've always liked kun so thank you [@anon-sshi for the prompt, hope you liek](https://marks-hyung.tumblr.com/post/165706474804/can-you-write-winkun-where-they-both-are-pining)
> 
> \- i need kudos and comment like any other sane writer please lmao ok ok i hope you guys enjoy akslfkskl
> 
> \- disclaimer: i didn't mean any cultural appropriation by writing a fic in english about korean, chinese, japanese, and thai people. i own nothing but the plot. thank you.  
> 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it’s the third time this week, but who’s counting?

sicheng plays dead, the comforter that kun had put in the laundry alongside his own a few days ago is up to sicheng’s chin. sicheng forgot, again, and he apologized like always by clinging to the older boy after the ultimate smiley face post-it was stamped on his desk. it’s their special way to communicate on the days sicheng forgets to unplug his phone charger before leaving their shared room.

or anything that rhymes with ‘forget’ and ‘sicheng’ and ‘kun being the angel he is’, according to doyoung.

anyway. that was the first smiley post-it note for _months_ , okay, because sicheng wanted to prove a point. ha. but of course his favorite gege had to rebuke the point he wanted to prove by being the annoyingly perfect gege that he is! now that sicheng got played out by his mindless (but important!) scheme, all that’s left is just sadness because he tainted his longest good didi record for a failure!

sicheng hears the rustling coming closer, and then the eerie feeling of someone checking up on you; kun is holding his breath as to not disturbing sicheng and his faked sleep, and there it is, the sickening fruity scent wafting off the older boy. ugh. fine. one of these days sicheng is _sooooooo_ going to find out what kind of girl using such nauseating stuff! and to think that her scent is rubbing off on sicheng’s favorite gege!

kun keeps tiptoeing around like he always does for the past month, first taking off his backpack that he puts on the foot of his bed, then his midnight blue bomber jacket that he bought together with sicheng at myeongdong (they’re twinning, sicheng’s black), and they both jump when kun’s phone is blaring off the generic iphone’s ringtone.

kun gets out to the hallway to answer, whispering hurried reassurance that _yes, yes,_ the name of the girl sicheng is not going to acknowledge!— _yeah, i’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight,_ some declaration sicheng refuses to believe is being said by his favorite gege!— _bye._

sicheng scoffs. he has a reason not to fake sleep anymore.

he groans, exaggerating the volume, and asks when kun closes and locks the door, “gege? what time is it?”

“hey, sorry i woke you up.” although it’s super dark, sicheng knows that kun is smiling. “it’s, um, past midnight. sorry, go back to sleep.”

“hn,” sicheng sniffs, turning to his back. “where did you go?”

kun doesn't even hesitate, “study group.” and sicheng needs all of his willpower not to yell _you liar!_ because even if kun really has found himself a girlfriend sicheng will always be his most treasured, as said last year, the day sicheng arrived in this room as a freshman to study product design at hongik university.

 

* * *

 

**To: Gege No. 1**

**Sent: 10.09**

_Gege! My class got cancelled can we have lunch together?_

 

sicheng pouts at his phone. kun hasn’t read his kakaotalk message yet. it’s 12.31 and sicheng is already finishing his kimchi fried rice, with yuta and ten sitting across from him on their favorite family restaurant near the campus’ north entrance. doyoung has a lunch meeting with the international students body committee to talk about the upcoming open university days, to promote cultural diversities at their beloved campus.

“what is it? are you still hungry?” yuta asks, a frown on his handsome face. “do you want anything else? tell oniisan.”

ten clicks his tongue and pinches yuta’s left ear. “stop competing, you will never win,” he dismisses yuta’s glare and talks to sicheng in a softer tone, “what’s going on, khon dii? you keep pouting to your phone.”

if kun is sicheng’s most favorite gege to ever exist, then yuta is the one who gets blinded thus loves spoiling him like he’s never at fault and ten is the chill one who’s always bickering with yuta and questioning yuta’s approach because although he spoils sicheng as well, he does it with style, or, in his own words, _lowkey af._

sicheng is an only child. he’s not complaining.

“it’s gege,” sicheng starts, huffing. “do you guys notice he rarely hangs out with us anymore?” they all know sicheng only calls kun ‘gege’, so they’re quick to catch up.

“eh, you’re right.” yuta says, still frowning. “where is he?”

“that’s why sicheng is pouting, you dumb dumb,” ten answers without a bite. he, again, ignores yuta’s glare to talk to sicheng like he just didn’t call yuta a less flattering adjective, “don’t mind niichan, he’s a lost cause. is kun alright?”

sicheng shrugs. “i think he’s dating.” ugh, blargh! the moment his suspicion is verbalized, sicheng feels like crying! his gege!

yuta’s reaction is always over the top; he’s choking on his bibimbap while ten just nods, muttering agreement that the ladies at economics major are indeed very hot.

“what, like you’d know?” yuta snorts before taking a sip of his iced barley tea.

“of course.” ten looks at yuta like he’s out of his mind for even questioning that. “remember chanyeol-sunbaenim party?” he waits until realization comes dawning on yuta’s handsome face before nodding smugly, flicking his black hair out of his eyes and winking at sicheng. yuta really looks dumb when his mouth is opened like that, sicheng thinks, but please don’t tell niichan that or sicheng won’t get to have free waffle at the end of the month….

“you didn’t!”

“sure did, my friend, sure did.”

sicheng laughs at yuta’s agony because for the -nth time, ten managed to score hot girls at parties, beating him in the get lucky department. ten always says that not everything is a competition but he’s so, so sly maybe sicheng needs to learn a trick or two from him.

“phi, do you think you can find out who’s the girl gege is dating? i’m curious.”

no matter how many times sicheng calls ten ‘phi’, a simplified form of older brother in his native thai language, ten will always gush over how precious sicheng is—not with actual words, but it’s crystal clear from the way his eyes light up and his smile a megawatt brighter—and ten, being the sly social butterfly he is, suggests the three of them going on a quest this weekend.

 

* * *

 

“you know what, thank god we didn’t tell doyoung,” yuta grins, chewing on the egg pudding of his milk tea, “this is so exciting! can’t imagine doyoungie doing exciting things.”

“jaehyun is exciting.” ten chirps from behind, too busy forking the takoyaki that he’s sharing with sicheng in bite size pieces.

sicheng watches as they do their complicated handshake that only appears once in a blue moon, mentally telling himself not to follow their steps as typical sex-driven university students.

besides, making sure he’s still gege’s the most treasured is more important. this was ten’s idea; sicheng to stand by on weekend so he could immediately call yuta and ten the moment kun looking dashing like he’s about to go on a date. today is saturday. sicheng followed kun to myeongdong and called his oniisan and phi to meet at the 7-11.

he opens his mouth obediently as ten begins feeding him.

“good?” ten asks, blowing the heat away before eating one. “oh shit it’s hot. you okay?”

“i’m okay,” sicheng nods, swallowing. “do you know her, phi?”

“i doubt it,” ten sniffs, october wind is colder this year. or maybe that’s just sicheng’s bitterness speaking. “but i’m sure she’s from economics major.”

she has long, black hair that falls like any girl from shampoo commercial. she wears pastel colored outfit that fits her slim frame just right, and she paints her thin lips red. she doesn’t cling to kun’s arms but she laughs too much at every little thing he says. she is pretty, in a way sicheng will never be, and sicheng pauses, questions why that fact matters the most.

“she seems harmless,” yuta says, “maybe kun is just waiting for the right time to introduce her to us.”

“that could be it,” ten hums, “yet our dongsaeng is still sulking.”

“aww,” yuta glomps sicheng like sicheng isn’t a couple of inches taller than him. he squeezes his arms and pats sicheng’s butt. “is our dongsaeng jealous? we should get you a nice girlfriend too, so you’ll get even with gege!”

sicheng makes a face. “don’t be ridiculous, oniisan,” he gags, “ _god._ ”

ten is mad cackling that he needs to crouch down with his shoulders shaking and face reddening. sicheng grabs the takoyaki from ten’s hand or else 3,000 won will be wasted.

“seriously? why?” yuta whines, nudging ten’s head with his pinky finger. “dude, _what?_ ”

“fuck,” ten is wheezing, “did you really suggest our dongsaeng to get even with his gege? _by dating a girl?!_ ”

“what the fuck, seriously, yah!” yuta crouches down, pushing ten’s shoulders until he loses his balance. thankfully ten has great reflex because he instantly grabs the pipe of sicheng’s skinny jeans. “ _damn_. seriously tho, tell me what is it?”

no, seriously. what is it? sicheng wants to know as well.

“more like sicheng needs to get even with the girl by dating his gege!” ten is shrieking now, attracting attention from passersby, especially one that looks familiar who’s smiling cutely at them, permed poodle hair bouncing as he jogs towards them.

“hi hyungs! sicheng!” it’s jaehyun. what are the odds of meeting him here. “what are you guys doing?” he follows the two oldest crouching down, attracting more attention, and sicheng doesn’t have a choice but joining in.

“it’s a secret,” yuta pokes jaehyun’s left dimple and jaehyun giggles. “what are you doing?”

“i’m supposed to meet with doyoungie-hyung at coex mall,” he says, happily receiving a takoyaki that sicheng feeds him. “but i saw you guys.”

“jaehyun-ah~” ten sing-songs, “is doyoungie treating you well?”

jaehyun puts both hands on his face, swooning. sicheng can’t help but to forget about kun for a second.

only to be reminded again when jaehyun asks kun’s whereabout.

“he’s why we’re here.”

“crouching down?”

“that’s right. keep this a secret from your boyfriend.”

jaehyun giggles again, and nods.

“does it mean kun-hyung is around here?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at sicheng.

“yeah,” sicheng grumbles, “with his girlfriend.”

“aww!” jaehyun reaches a hand to tickle sicheng’s chin like they’re not the same age. “it’s okay! don’t pout!”

“i’m not.” sicheng elbows jaehyun’s arm, and jaehyun just links their arms together, cooing.

“he is.” ten jumps to his feet, flicking off imaginary dust on his knees. “we should get going.”

“or we can just leeching off the lovebirds? doyoung worked hard this week.” yuta pipes in, eyes wide at his own genius. “he needs excitement in his life.”

“oh, is it the open university days?” jaehyun pulls sicheng up, and keeps sticking close. “hyung’s been stressed out. i think you guys can join us, we’re just going to watch a movie then have some food.”

“don’t be nasty.” ten snatches the milk tea from yuta’s hand, rips open the plastic lid, and finishes the drink in one quick gulp. “let the lovebirds have their quality time. think about our dongsaeng and doyoung’s dick.”

“ten-hyung!” jaehyun screeches, blushing, while sicheng and yuta burst out laughing at such savagery and they part ways after ten whispers something to jaehyun, probably just as nasty, about his uptight, _no jam,_ president of international students body boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

this year, the open university days will be held on october 30 and 31, meaning halloween, meaning a new concept to promote cultural diversities at their beloved campus.

all international students are going to promote their culture by dressing up as their respective country’s most famous ghosts. during the technical meeting with the rest of chinese students community, it is decided that sicheng, kun, junhao, and minghao will be manchurian era vampires.

“i can’t wait,” kun whispers to sicheng who’s sitting close next to him, “you’ll look cute.”

“i don’t want to wear fake fangs.” sicheng crosses his arms, slumping on the chair, knocking his knee to kun’s and not moving an inch after.

“then you’re not going to wear them.”

sicheng lets kun’s gentle voice sit right in his head and heart. it’s been a while. kun is always already glued to his assignments by the time sicheng comes back to their room, the little time they have is usually spent with sicheng watching his favorite gege typing furiously on his macbook until he falls asleep, only to be awoken by kun’s gentle hands caressing his hair, telling him to go wash up, and when sicheng wakes up in the morning, kun will already be gone, his bed made, leaving his gentle-smelling scent with him.

“ge, it feels like forever since the last time i talked to you like this.”

kun looks startled, and _that_ makes sicheng wonder; shouldn’t it be obvious that they spent less time together nowadays?

“like what?”

_like there’s no girlfriend between us, duh._

“well,” sicheng looks up to gesture with his chin, “like this.”

“you’re right.” kun sighs, and that _startles_ sicheng. he can count with one hand for the amount of times kun had sighed in front of him!

“what should i do to make it up to you?”

sicheng doesn’t even care that he’s being way too obvious at the offer. he sits up straighter and eagerly suggests to have ice cream at the convenience store near their dorm, a regular thing they used to have before a certain girlfriend came between them; something that kun easily accepts with wide but apologetic smile. huh. at least he understands.

though not necessarily free from the clutch of said girlfriend. apparently, she replies to kakaotalk chat in one blink of an eye sicheng thinks she should join a worldwide typing competition. she doesn’t even let kun breathe! sicheng hasn’t even finished laughing at kun’s clumsy attempt of unwrapping his favorite classic belgian chocolate häagen-dazs when his phone pings with kakaotalk notification.

as if she doesn’t monopolize his favorite gege’s time and attention enough.

“why haven’t you introduced her to us, ge?” sicheng asks, snidely, and instead of a gentle scolding he expected, he gets an ugly laughter instead. coming from the gentlest person on earth, sicheng feels surreal, like he’s starring in a sitcom or something.

“i don’t even know what i’m doing,” kun admits, taking a huge bite of his ice cream, enjoying it, and then continues, “i’m sorry.”

“no no no,” sicheng huffs, liking the crunch from his own almond magnum ice cream but not the way kun sounds so dejected. “no, gege, don’t apologize. but, you know, if you want, you can tell me.”

they’re sitting inside the warm convenience store, on stools that overlooking the quiet neighborhood around their dorm. sicheng watches an array of conflicted expression playing on kun’s face, reflected via the glass window, and kun jumps when his phone is blaring off the generic iphone’s ringtone.

“sorry,” kun says merely out of embarrassment, and turns off his phone. if sicheng is cheering loudly in his head, it’s nobody else’s business but his.

sicheng waits. he might be spoiled beyond belief by his multi-cultural band of merry older friends, but he can be understanding whenever possible. just like now, for example.

kun, on the other hand, prefers to devour his ice cream before he gets the look of determination to talk about It and when he finally does, he begins with another apologize.

“ge, seriously,” sicheng is having none of It, “ _stop_. it’s okay. i wish only happiness for you.”

“yeah, thanks.” kun grins, but there’s no mirth there.

sicheng waits. he counts to fifty.

_51, 52, 53, 54, fifty fi—_

“she’s suffocating,” kun says, his voice is way too small amidst the bustling of the convenience store. someone is yelling about pineapple or apple flavored ciders and the microwave is heating someone else’s chicken curry or turkey sandwich and sicheng has to scoot closer to listen.

“i didn’t think korean girlfriend would be any different than my previous exes, but i was wrong,” kun trails off, “she was… alright at first. but then she became more and more demanding. not clingy, but she’s just. what is it. slowly consuming my time? like, nothing can ever satisfy her.”

“maybe she’s just too in love with you.” sicheng provides an opinion, lowering his own voice’s volume to match with the sorrowful mood.

“that’s what i’m afraid of,” kun answers, “because i don’t want her to.”

sicheng blinks.

“um, so tell her, ge.”

“it’s not that simple.”

“why?”

when kun fails to give him a valid excuse, sicheng clicks his tongue—copying ten—and pushes a fist to kun’s shoulder, encouraging him to speak up, maybe projecting his frustration a little.

“ge, it is, though,” he chuckles, “listen, i like you. like, _like you_. see? it’s that simple.”

kun smiles, and it reaches his eyes. “i like you too, but it’s different.”

“no no, it’s not. listen carefully,” sicheng places a hand to where his heart is, “i,” he says, and then touches where kun’s heart is, “ _like you._ it’s the same. you can tell her whatever, ge, it’s so simple.”

sicheng realizes way too late to comprehend that basically, he just confessed his feeling to his favorite gege, something that he thought wasn’t really that simple, because of unknown reasons. probably fear of rejection and selfishness on his part. but, uh. it’s out there and sicheng is not going to take it back.

kun is still smiling, most likely hoping that he heard it wrong. “what do you mean you like me?” he asks, thumbing sicheng’s chin.

sicheng grins, and makes a show like he’s going to bite kun’s thumb. “nothing, that’s the way it is.”

“okay,” kun nods, blinksblinksblinks, and frowns. he juts out his bottom lip, and narrows his eyes at sicheng before accusing, “are you making fun of me?”

“geez,” sicheng huffs, “i was being serious.”

“okay.” kun repeats and embraces sicheng’s head, shushing his protest. “hey hey now,” he laughs, “you said you like me.”

“not when you’re suffocating me like this!” sicheng tries to wriggle out of kun’s arms but to no avail. “gege, you smell weird! let me go!”

kun just laughs at sicheng’s misery, exclaiming _so you noticed, huh?_ —and between sicheng’s palpitating heart because _oh my god have i always been too obvious_ and sicheng holding his breath no thanks to the flowery scent, kun says,

“i’ll talk to her soon. thank you, sicheng-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
